It is the last day of Black History Month. I hesitated posting anything, because we try to keep everything funny and light and didn’t want to offend anyone on this special time. After thinking about it, we said who cares, that’s the thing about opinions. Unfortunately, everyone has got one. ;-)



While I believe that our rich culture should be appreciated and celebrated all year round, I couldn’t help but post this special edition of the Bird Bitch blog. On this last day, Sunday, February 28th, 2010 we are giving a shout out to all the Black women who bleach their skin, in hopes of getting rid of just a little bit of who they are. LMAO

The first time I realized the significance of skin bleaching I was a freshman in High School. I had a friend, (who is probably reading this because the world is too damn small) that I ran into on the first day riding the train into the city. We hadn’t seen each other all summer and got to catch up on the ride, something was noticeably different about her that I just couldn’t put my finger on. Is she taller, more developed? Maybe, but that wasn’t it. A week had gone by and our morning ride had become a ritual.
On the second week, I had as promised brought some pics from the senior trip and last days of junior high to share with her and that is when it became clear. Homegirl was multiple shades lighter than in the pictures. In realizing this, my stupid ass asked with concern if she was ok? She acted like she didn’t know what I was talking about. Assured me she was fine and continued reviewing the pictures. Of course I pressed the issue, “so why are you so light now?” and we all know how this story ends our morning train ride was no more. LMAO


That was too many years ago to count, we were kids and I didn’t really get it. I believe then it was definitely more taboo, no one mentioned it when they saw people whose faces were lighter than their hands or who clearly like this old friend where lighter than the last time you saw them. I was fortunate, to have come up in a family where everyone took pride in ourselves and our culture. Today, it seems like skin lightening is far from taboo. In fact, when you walk into some beauty supply stores in predominantly black neighborhoods, there are displays right behind the counter and sometimes as you walk in filled with a variety of products to lighten the skin. It is 2010 and I still get a chuckle out of the females who come to the counter to purchase these products. Many of them who don’t bother to lighten any other part of their body besides their faces and necks. They order their poison of choice and then reach out their beautiful brown hand to pay for their pale discolored face.
Don’t misunderstand my chuckle, I am not laughing at these women. I am laughing because it amazes me that it is 2010, almost 20 years since my episode on the train and now not only is this craziness not taboo. It is as normal as purchasing and using any other “beauty” product. As a people many of us are delusional.
I have a friend who told me once that her grandmother used to scrub her and her sister with special “soap” back in Jamaica to make them better. Another friend whose grandmother would literally put bleach in the tub for her and her brother to wash in, every summer when they would visit her in Alabama. While what they did was not right, they came from a different time and experience. We are under the impression that we have gotten somewhere in the last centuries, that we are no longer like our ancestors and elders. We are strong women, we take care of the world and make miracles everyday. We do it while being proud and loving who we are. I don’t believe that, I will venture to say that we may be worse off than they were. As women, we have sat back and allowed the presence of self hatred to seep into our lives and we have refused to kick it out. So if you are reading this and you bleach, or know someone who does, trash those products or do something useful with it like clean the curry stains off of your counter top or distress those fave jeans of yours. Find something to love about you every single day and be a better example for our girls of love.




So we started off this tangent with a little sarcasm and humor, but underneath it all there is a serious message here. Women need to wake the f#@$ up. We dictate who, what, when, where and how. Get it together bitches!

See yall next month.

BIRD BITCH DOWN! CODE 10!

We hear you, what about the males who act like birds? why don't you get on them? Well before we get on them and trust me we will!
First, we want to give a shout out to all the birds who got knocked out, smacked down and embarrased in the club for the new year. LMAO
Ladies (that is what you want to be treated like right?) Please for heavens sake stop stepping to men like you are going to beat them down. Men no longer have to worry about the dude in the club who wants to shoot him for stepping on his sneakers. Now he has to worry about keeping his cool while some loud bird bitch curses and threatens him in front of his boys and the rest of the damn club.
Yes you can hold your own, you have scrapped with the best of them and came out on top. WE GET IT.
Here's the scenario: Dude (about 6'3" 220lbs) comes in the path of Bird (5'5" 120lbs) their exchange is not so pleasant but the music is going and everyone keeps dancing. You see the tension, but it all seems to be coming from the female who is clearly invading dudes personal space, hands in his face and nothing but foul disrespectful names coming out of her mouth. From the looks of things, it is safe to say he has the "one hitter quitter". If she was a guy I am pretty sure that the rumble would have started long ago. So, she throws her drink in his face and BOOM, he smacks the shit out of her.



Was he wrong for hitting her? That is the debate. I know that the politically correct answer is "it is never ok to hit a woman" but, I am going to have to disagree. I say smack that bitch doooowwwwnnnnn!
If you want to be treated like a lady, woman, princess, queen etc, etc. THEN ACT LIKE ONE! We can't have it both ways. It's that simple. So for 2010 I am giving Men, (not all men) one free pimp hand pass. That's right, one pass that you can use on the bird bitch who gets out of line.

Now, there are some restrictions to the pass. 1. It can only be used for a bird. Not a woman, lady, or girl.
2. It can only be used when all else fails and there really is no other option or when the bitch is just asking for it.

You're upset and we get that. But I am so sick of females who want it both ways. You want to be treated equally, and while I understand that doesn't mean being smacked, I do believe that if you forget who and what you are, people will treat you like who and what you portray. So, next time you in the club clucking on the dance floor with your chirp chirp crew and you trying to get a dudes attention but he is clearly ignoring you- instead of getting two pieced (you know it will end up on youtube!) in front of everybody, just bring your clucking to a minimum and save yourself the embarrassment. We will find out about it and we will blast that ass!!! You've been warned!

SHE SMASHED THE HOMEY

SO... YOU & YOUR FRIEND GO TO THE CLUB MEET A FEW HOT GUYS. YOU HIT IT OFF & GO BACK TO THE DUDES HOMEBOYS CRIB. YOU SLEEP WITH THE GUY & YOUR FRIEND SLEEPS WITH THE GUYS FRIEND. EVERYTHING IS COOL. HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND! WRONG!
YOU THINK IT'S A BRIGHT IDEA TO MESS AROUND WITH THE GUYS FRIEND & YOU THINK NO BIG DEAL. OUR SECRET. SHAME ON YOU GIRLFRIEND. NOT ONLY ARE YOU THE BUTT (PUN VERY MUCH INTENDED) OF A LOT OF JOKES IN THE CREW BUT YOU ALSO... SMASHED THE HOMEY!!!
WHY WOULD YOU KNOWINGLY PUT YOURSELF IN THIS POSITION? WHY WOULD YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT YOU ARE SO SPECIAL. OBVIOUSLY THE HOMEY DIDN'T THINK SO I GUESS YOU FIGURE HEY WHY NOT. IT AIN'T NO FUN IF THE HOMIES DONT GET NONE! I GUESS YOU COULD CONSIDER IT A GOOD DEED. SHARING IS CARING RIGHT! LOL... UNFORTUNATELY THE ONLY REWARD YOU GET FOR THIS GOOD DEED IS A BAD REP AND MORE MILEAGE ON THE VA-JAYJAY. DON'T BECOME A VICTIM! WE WILL PROVIDING A HOTLINE FOR YOU BIRD BITCHES AND TRYING TO FIND YOU HELP... NO BIRD BITCH LEFT BEHIND!!!

THE HELLO BIRD

STOP FUCKING ON HELLO!!!!!
It's as simple as that. I know there are people hearing this and saying

I'm different, I am not emotional, I can separate sex and emotion. Blah Blah Blah

Listen, even if this were true (another day another topic) it doesn't matter. When you fuck a dude just meeting him you set the bar on the floor for the future. Yes, there are those few exceptional stories of love at first sight but those stories are few and far in between. No he is not calling you to see how your day is going, how you feel, he is not interested in your goals and dreams or even being a part of them. He is calling you to fuck, isn't that what he did when you met? There is no potential for anything else ever!!!!

I spoke to a girl the other day, the sweetest girl you could meet. I have known her for years and for years she has been having the same issues with men. What she fails to realize, is that these are issues that she calls on her self repeatedly. She meets dudes at the club and hits them off in the bathroom or at a church function and fucks them on the first date or when she goes on vacation and just happens to meet "Him". Then she gets all depressed when her attempts to treat this situation like it is anything more than a fuck are pushed aside and her calls are ignored and his are less frequent until they are non existent. If she accepted the fact that most guys arenot going to take her serious after her riske rendevous then maybe, just maybe she would finally treat herself with the respect and love she deserves and wait a minute before giving it up.

For those of you who went on to marry your guy from this situation congrats. Please keep your responses to yourself. This is strictly for the bird who keeps fucking dudes on the hello and just is not learning her lesson. Trust they outnumber the

happily ever afters

.

This is not Jerry McGuire, He should not have you on Hello!

Don't rush, if he wants you he will wait. Not only do you ruin your chances of being taken seriously, you also sabotage the perception of the next girl behind you. What does this have to do with you? We will answer that later.

COMING SOON CELEBRITY BIRD OF THE WEEK!

THE CELEBRITIES ARE NOT EXEMPT!!!! BLASTING A DIFFERENT BIRD CELEBRITY EVERY WEEK!!! INPUT IS APPRECIATED!

BLAME IT ON THE GOOSE??

LADIES IT IS NOT OKAY TO GET LOOSE OFF THE GOOSE IF UR BIRD ASS CANT EVEN CLUCK YOUR WAY OUT OF THE CLUB!
I'M STANDING ON THE LINE IN THE SUPERMARKET AND THE WOMEN IN FRONT OF ME ARE TALKING ABOUT LADIES NIGHT THAT WAS THE PREVIOUS NIGHT. SO GHETTO #1 SAYS' "GIRL I AIN'T EVEN SEE WHERE U WENT AFTER THE CLUB?" GHETTO #2 LOL's & SAYS "GIRL I WOKE UP IN SOME NIGGA CRIB. I'M IN MY SLEEP & HE WAKE ME UP TALKING BOUT I GOT TO LEAVE BEFORE HIS MOMMA GET HOME! I AIN'T EVEN NO THAT NIGGA NAME... MY PANTIES WAS GONE! I LEFT OUT THE BACK DOOR IN A T-SHIRT WIT HIS BOXERS ON & MY HEELS! I GUESS IMMA BLAME THAT ON DA GOOSE!" WTF!!!????? ARE U FREAKING KIDDING ME? WHERE THEY DO THAT AT? THE CRAZIEST PART WAS GHETTO #1 JUST LAUGHED. IF SHE WAS A REAL FRIEND SHE WOULD OF PUT YOUR ASS ON BLAST! NO MORE! WE ARE NOT GONNA IGNORE YOUR BIRD ASS! WE GONNA BLOG YOU! TWITPIC YOU! MYSPACE YOU! UNTIL YOU GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! 2010 IS NOT THE YEAR OF THE DRUNKEN BIRD BITCH! GET YA MIND RIGHT!


BIRD WATCHER
IF YOU HAVE A PIC OR STORY OF A BIRD BITCH EPISODE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO FEATURE ON THIS BLOG SEND IT TO US AT sooverbirds@gmail.com